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Setting the mood. Gathering your supplies. Getting undressed. Logging on. Gearing up. Greasing up. DOWNSHIFTING.
Whether you think of it as a routine or something more like a ritual, it’s easily the best part of your day–the thing you’ve been looking forward to while you were at work, running errands, at the gym. (‘Sup, bro?)
For me, one of the hottest aspects of bator culture is knowing that the men I see with their stiff dicks out outline are masturbating with intention. They are masturbators. They put some thought into it. They set aside time. They seek out their brothers. And they know how to stroke.
It’s not just about jacking off–although there’s nothing wrong with rubbing one out in a hurry when you absolutely gotta squirt. It’s simply that it’s better–much, much better–to take your time. Make yourself feel good. Ride that edge. GOOOOOOOOOOOOON.
To get there, set up a bate station or a bate cave that will maximize your penis pleasure and your time online with your fellow masturbators.
It took me a little while to find my groove. When I discovered bate culture during the height of the pandemic, I was awkwardly using a laptop to dial into Zoom calls while lying back and stroking in the bedroom I shared with my husband, usually while he was in the other room, actually working from home. (If you scroll back far enough in my Twitter feed, you’ll find that some of the first bate videos I ever posted were recorded there. When we moved out, the wall on my side of the bed had to be cleaned and painted because I had blasted so many hot spurts of cum over my right shoulder.)
These days, I do it differently, as you can see. I have a radically better computer setup with three screens–a 27″ iMac plus two additional monitors. On a typical night I’m camming in three places at once–Discord, Bateworld, and Zoom: one screen for each roomful of exposed masturbators. On those rare nights when I don’t feel like camming, I can fill my field of vision with hot penis porn.
I also have a better/freestanding/movable/HD webcam, noise-cancelling headphones with a microphone so I can hear every grunt and moan made by my buddies and fuel them with my verbal bating, and mood lighting thanks to color-changing, dimmable Philips Hue bulbs that keep me well-lit on camera and and fuel my stoner bate. Lately, I’ve also been setting a new vibe with this star projector. When I set it up, my husband asked me if it was so I could “jerk off in space.” (Answer: yes. Thanks, weed!)
I built this bate station up slowly over time; it’s an investment, but it was worth it, given how much time I spend online bonding with men on penis.
However, the thing about masturbation is that while all that stuff can really elevate the experience (the most mind-blowing, gut-wrenching orgasms of your life), all that really matters is your dong. I could be stranded on a desert island and, as long as I can at least spit in my hand, I can take myself to paradise as much as I want (my dick is cut; if I were uncut I guess I wouldn’t even need the spit).
Ultimately, near the top of the long list of things that are awesome about masturbation: it’s fucking free.
And the dong itself, bro? Your rigid manhood? Treat it right. Grease it up with the good stuff: Albolene, the traditional bate grease, or Bator Balm, its new, and some would say superior, rival–made by a small, bator-owned business that a lot of us love to support. (Albolene has not embraced its following among bators). I like and use both, but probably use Bator Balm more often–I love how the scented version smells (they also have an unscented version). But the most important thing is this: skip the silicone. When fucking your fist, you need GREASE–period. (Honorable mention: lots of guys like coconut oil, too; I’ve enjoyed it with buddies, but find it a little too messy for everyday bating.)
Personally, I love cock gear too–how it feels when I wear it, and how it makes my own and other guys’ dicks look when they bate. I have a collection of different kinds of slings, rings, stretchers, and weights, but a few have become my favorites. Right now I’m really into the combo of the clear Hunky Junk v-notch ring and the orange version of the “Grinder” nut squeezer/stretcher from Oxballs. In fact, I’m wearing both as I write this guide. Is it getting stiff in here?
Of course, there are other ways to…enhance…your bate. My personal preference is 420–nothing better to me than a stiff stoner boner and a cannabis-fueled goon session. I mostly hit the vape as opposed to smoking actual bud, and sometimes I take edibles, too. In fact, I think edging while on edibles is, for whatever reason, one of the most insanely pleasurable forms of stoner masturbating. I find that sativa strains tend to enhance my stoner fantasies while indica strains intensify the pleasurable, buzzed vibrations in my dick and extend them to the rest of my body.
Finally, let’s not ignore the elephant in the room: that little brown bottle. Huffing is going through something of a Renaissance these days, and once you’ve tried it, it’s not hard to understand why. Bating and huffing can produce one of the most amazing highs you’ll ever experience–if you like poppers. I also fucking love it when I see guys pull out their bottles in public places; for example, most recently at a gay dance club I was at. (Yes, we were huffing along as the DJ played “Rush” by Troye Sivan.) Lots of guys don’t like them, though, and there’s nothing wrong with that! I myself have a complicated relationship with poppers; sometimes they absolutely give me life, but sometimes they just give me a headache; so lately, when I do them, I usually only take a couple of hits. I also like to edge, and poppers can make me, well, POP earlier than I want to. But you do you, bro! Poppers or not, it’s all about making yourself feel good.
Whatever your ritual or routine, the most important thing is to make it work for you–to make it feel good. And above all, do not feel guilty about putting some thought into it to figure out what works best for you. Your dick is worth investing in. He’s your best friend and your most important sex partner. Maximize that fucking penis pleasure, bro.
See ya on cam!